dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
