Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
