I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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