there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
