It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
