just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
