Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm passing your future prison.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
