Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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