The brown eye won't let me do that either.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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