Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
