You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
