You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
