Screwed.edu
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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