Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
