We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize