I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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