I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
