This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
