Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's the barista slut.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
