absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize