I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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