Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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