Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You ruined the universe
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
