What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize