The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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