p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
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You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The uberlube is also flammable
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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