i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
