I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
