I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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