I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
