two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
