I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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