he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
