Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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