If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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