ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
