just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
