I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
