I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
