I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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