K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
