The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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