She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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