my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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