new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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