I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
