so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
