Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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