I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
