This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
