Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
