my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
