do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
