I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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