I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
