we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
