so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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