if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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