I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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