I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
