I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
