"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.