I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.