Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

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  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (17443) Bad night (1333)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

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  (306): They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle (1-306): Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other http://tfl.nu/7xcc
  Replies (9) Good night (5420) Bad night (1029)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him

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  (850): if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him http://tfl.nu/ohx4
  Replies (4) Good night (2366) Bad night (1730)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

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  (201): You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked. http://tfl.nu/py4z
  Replies (7) Good night (3964) Bad night (1119)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.

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  (678): He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me. http://tfl.nu/j7uh
  Replies (2) Good night (2627) Bad night (736)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless

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  (904): the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless http://tfl.nu/5o22
  Replies (10) Good night (1925) Bad night (691)
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  (415): View more from California

  OPIZZABONMYDICK

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  (415): OPIZZABONMYDICK http://tfl.nu/43zd
  Replies (14) Good night (790) Bad night (535)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.

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  (724): At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help. http://tfl.nu/kqwe
  Replies (5) Good night (1174) Bad night (665)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...

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  (770): Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now... http://tfl.nu/knzm
  Replies (6) Good night (969) Bad night (416)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you

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  (201): Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting (978): In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you http://tfl.nu/ucjj
  Replies (5) Good night (818) Bad night (547)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.

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  (936): Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/7tz2
  Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (378)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.

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  (505): So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused. http://tfl.nu/omzp
  Replies (1) Good night (336) Bad night (397)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat

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  (631): Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat http://tfl.nu/zh7r
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (279)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.

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  (304): My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time. http://tfl.nu/ngqr
  Replies (2) Good night (1144) Bad night (255)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.

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  (505): Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer. http://tfl.nu/283a
  Replies (0) Good night (445) Bad night (253)

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