if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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